Finding You Read online

  Her arrangement with Michael was simple. She could have her fun with women as long as she never got attached. He was faithful to her, but understood her needs outside their relationship. He never took it seriously, especially when he asked to be sexually involved, and Jesse didn’t mind sharing.

  She knew though, if he’d been aware of Jesse’s affair with Devlin, especially the intensity of it and what Devlin made Jesse feel, he’d be threatened and would go to great lengths to terminate this new business relationship they were about to embark on.

  She was her own boss and could pretty much do what she wanted, but her connection to Michael and their background was too deeply rooted.

  “I’m here for Devlin,” she said to the male assistant at the door to Devlin’s office.

  “Ms. Mathews, her ten o’clock, of course. Please go in.”

  She found herself a little nervous, but hid it as she went inside. She wasn’t sure what she’d find, but the office was spacious, with wall to wall windows which let a lot of light in with a calm view of the city from a distance. It was also simply and well furnished, not too much to make it stuffy and not too little to make it empty, just enough.

  “Jesse, good morning,” Devlin said from her glass desk as she got up from her black leather seat.

  She was wearing a curve-hugging knee-high skirt and a light loose-fitting long-sleeved top. She was even more stunning than ever. Since they were both used to seeing each other naked, this setting was a bit unusual but somehow oddly arousing.

  “Good morning, Devlin.”

  When they shook hands, they both lingered for a moment and Jesse’s mind shifted to their interaction back at the balcony when they’d kissed, then further back to Devlin’s luscious mouth driving insane bolts of sensations all through her body.

  When they parted, Devlin offered her a seat, which she declined. She needed her blood to flow untethered to her brain.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Devlin asked.

  “No, I’m fine.” Suddenly she felt like the tables had turned. She’d known Devlin was a sophisticated, classy, intelligent woman, but she hadn’t really pictured her in that line of employment.

  “Shall we start then?”

  Jesse nodded, trying to force her mind to absorb this version of reality. She took work very seriously, but being around Devlin made it hard for her to think about anything other than their thrilling sexual encounters.

  Devlin started the meeting and for the next hour, though it was difficult, their conversation was fully based on their agenda. The second hour was a bit more challenging when she finally decided to sit down and Devlin came around the desk to show her the modern methods the company was using for security, from her laptop.

  She was bending from waist down, explaining everything in a soft calm voice and occasionally pausing to ask Jesse if she had any questions. It was torture.

  When the meeting concluded, Jesse was almost glad it was over because she didn’t know how long she could hold it together. She respected their professional relationship, but their mutual pull towards one another was stronger than her.

  She knew it was as equally difficult for Devlin and wanted them both to find some sort of solution because if they were going to be working together, they were both going to be halfway distracted.

  “I know working together is going to be challenging, especially because nothing has changed regarding the other unprofessional aspect of our lives,” she said and Devlin nodded, almost as if she’d been struggling as much as Jesse.

  “Do you have any suggestions as to how we can keep the two separate?” she asked.

  “I think we should just focus on the project. We both have people in our lives who’d get hurt if they came to learn about us.”

  Jesse got up and leaned on Devlin’s desk. “You feel it’d be that simple?” she asked, running her fingers through her hair.

  Devlin watched her then her gaze traveled down the full length of her body. By the time she made eye contact again, there was lust and hunger in her eyes. “Does he live with you?” she asked in a low voice.

  “He has his own place,” Jesse answered, knowing exactly who she was asking about.

  “Do you and him…” she trailed off, almost as if she was unsure of what she was asking.

  “Not often, not since you.”

  She approached Jesse and leaned on the desk facing her.

  “You and Jaime?” Jesse asked.

  “Not in a while.”

  She got to her feet and moved close to Devlin. When their lips met, it was a passionate natural longing they had both fought to contain since she’d walked into Devlin’s office that grew instantly in urgency. Before she knew it, her hands were moving swiftly over Devlin’s body, seeking for more than either one could have at that moment.

  “I want you, Devlin,” she said in a raspy voice.

  Devlin moaned into her mouth, wrapping her arms around her neck and deepened the kiss. Even though the timing and the place was off, they both indulged in the kiss as if it was their last meal. When they finally pulled apart, they were both lost in each other.

  “I can’t help wanting you too, Jesse. But we need rules, and we must stick to them, no matter what,” Devlin said.

  Jesse nodded.

  “First, we can’t do it in the office.” They both laughed at that because they were so close to undressing each other. Already their combined heat was creating a vortex of excitement that was pulling them in.

  “Maybe we should hold these meetings in a public place,” she suggested.

  Devlin nodded while kissing her and Jesse wondered if she knew the effect those kisses had on her.

  The call that came through from her assistant had them breaking physical contact and pulling apart. Devlin picked up the phone and spoke into it. When she hung up, she turned her attention back to Jesse. “I have a meeting in five minutes. The hotel room, tonight?”

  Jesse’s smile widened as she nodded. “We’ll discuss it further there.”

  Devlin nodded back as Jesse left her office.

  Every time Devlin walked into that hotel room, her mind always rushed back to Jesse taking her against the door and the memory always lit up her loins like the fourth of July.

  “What took you so long?” Jesse asked from the bed.

  She was wearing a creamy silk robe with nothing else underneath and it made Devlin’s insides melt. Even though she was the one who’d suggested the meeting, she suddenly felt very nervous.

  “Do you want a glass of wine?” Jesse asked and Devlin nodded.

  She told herself, had Jesse not been unexpectedly thrust back into her world, this moment wouldn’t have occurred and she would’ve been able to move on with her life.

  Jesse handed her a glass of sweet white wine and Devlin took a sip. After they’d parted ways that morning, Devlin had pondered the idea of working with Jesse while carrying out the affair and every conclusion she’d come to had been disastrous. There was a lot more at stake now what with them working together.

  “I’ve thought about it too, Devlin,” Jesse said, reaching out to touch Devlin’s arm. “There is no good way this is going to end.” It was as if she could read Devlin’s mind.

  “Then the smart thing for both of us to do should be to stop,” she said.

  Jesse nodded as she took a deep breath. “Question is, do we want to?”

  Devlin studied her gorgeous slender body then met her soft brown gaze. God, she wanted this woman so much it hurt. Throwing caution to the wind, she closed the space between them and crushed Jesse’s lips with her own. She tasted like exotic flowers and wine and it drove Devlin crazy.

  She placed the wine glass on a table and dragged Jesse back to the bed, while Jesse undid her buttons in an attempt to undress her.

  “I want your passion, I can’t imagine you giving it to someone else the way you do with me,” Jesse said against her lips.

  To be honest, Devlin couldn’t recall ever being that passi
onate with anyone else in her entire life. Jesse was a sweet addictive drug. She drove so much excitement through Devlin, their world collided and merged at every encounter and then they left a little bit of themselves in each other, creating a need for more.

  With their clothes carelessly spread out on the floor, they both climbed into bed and Devlin recaptured Jesse’s lips. She had the softest lips Devlin had ever kissed.

  “You looked so good at the office today. You tortured me. The idea of taking you on your desk has been in my head all day. Undressing you, kissing every inch of you, feeling you tremble against me, coming on my fingers, in my mouth…”

  Jesse’s words drove Devlin wild.

  “Take me now,” she said weakly, already feeling her clit throbbing. She needed Jesse to feel the blistering need between her thighs.

  In a frantic haze, Jesse’s soft hands and hot wet mouth were all over Devlin. One moment her tongue was teasing the nub of her nipple, then the next she was plunging the tongue into her mouth. Devlin shuddered under her, lost in a spasm of wondrous lust and sensations.

  Jesse explored her so intensely, Devlin thought she’d come apart as she squeezed, kneaded and fondled until Devlin was breathlessly whimpering against her. When Jesse slid inside her, Devlin clutched her shoulders, moaning in pleasure, fighting to stay in that moment with Jesse just a little bit longer because she was so close.

  Their movements were synchronized, their bodies sweaty from the heat transpiring between them and they were unevenly panting, lost in a dreamlike state of agonizing pleasure.

  Devlin cried out at the violent rapture, but Jesse was still lost in the rhythm, creating more orgasms than Devlin’s body could handle. She thought her mind had slipped into madness and yielded in delectation, raking her fingers on Jesse’s back.

  When Jesse finally stopped, she quivered uncontrollably over Devlin, while Devlin continued to enjoy the powerful sensations still seizing her.

  “Oh, God.”

  Devlin wasn’t sure if it was her or Jesse who uttered the words, but Jesse vibrating right on top of her and the friction of their slick bodies continued to prolong her orgasm.

  “Did I hurt you?” Jesse asked, finally getting off of Devlin, while trying to catch her breath.

  “No.” Actually, Devlin was afraid she might’ve scratched Jesse too hard during their throes of passion. Her legs were still trembling involuntarily, making her muscles contract in mini orgasms.

  “I’m sorry, I lost control,” Jesse said sadly.

  Devlin didn’t understand why she was apologizing after giving her such earth-shattering sex.

  “I’ve never cum so hard while fucking someone.”

  Devlin met her soft gaze and noticed something fearful and distant she couldn’t name. “Are you okay?” she asked, lightly running her fingers over Jesse’s face.

  “When we first started out, this was supposed to go as far as that first night. I never expected it to grow so wildly out of control.”

  Devlin had an eerie feeling about where Jesse was going with the conversation. When she sat up and created distance between them, a memory of Devlin ending things between them crawled up on her.

  “It was just sex.”

  Devlin nodded, and asked, “Isn’t it still just sex?”

  Jesse turned her head to face Devlin. “Is it?”

  Devlin bit her lower lip. She wanted to say yes, but she wasn’t quite sure. “Do you feel like it’s gone too far?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  Jesse exhaled and said dejectedly, “I feel.”

  Devlin waited for more, then realized what Jesse meant. She looked within herself and shared her own truth, responding in the same dejected tone. “I feel, too.”

  They shared a look that said perhaps, this was the end.

  Chapter 4

  In the following few days, Devlin buried herself in work, no more less than usual, but she kept herself occupied. She was still corresponding with Jesse on their project, but never in the same room.

  They managed to keep a physical distance, and kept the project ongoing, which was flawless, to her delight. Their communication took place over phone calls, but they were purely professional.

  Devlin couldn’t deny the fact that she missed Jesse terribly, but she knew they had made the right decision. The lying and cheating wasn’t really her.

  She wondered if Jesse had found someone else to sate her desires. She’d admitted to Devlin she had affairs with random women all the time, and it shouldn’t have bothered Devlin at all, but it did.

  Her own life remained the same, if not worse. She isolated herself and barely talked to Jaime. She felt guilty for cheating, and felt she should’ve ended their relationship before doing something so unlike her.

  She was tired, mostly emotionally because she felt like she was carrying a huge burden. So when Jaime came to initiate conversation, Devlin wasn’t really feeling it.

  She’d gotten home late, showered and was about to prepare for bed when Jaime peeped through the bedroom door.

  “Hey you,” she said, walking in.

  “Hey Jaime,” Devlin said.

  “Haven’t seen you around much lately, everything okay?”

  Devlin shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah, everything is fine.”

  “You’ve been spending an insane amount of time at work lately,” Jaime said.

  Devlin met her gaze, wondering why she was noticing it now when for years, it’d been that way. “In case you haven’t noticed, for a long time, this is the same amount of time I’ve been spending at work.”

  “I still always notice when you’re here,” Jaime said.

  Devlin raised her eyebrow. Did she really? “Jaime, I’ve had a long day.”

  “Dev, I’m trying to talk to you.” Jaime seemed sad, but Devlin was too exhausted to care about her feelings. For years her own had gone ignored. “I miss you.”

  She waited as though she expected Devlin to reciprocate her feelings but Devlin didn’t feel anything. “We’ve grown distant over time, Jaime. You can’t just show up when you feel like it and think those simple words will pull me back to you.”

  “Simple words? Dev, you know how much I love you and there’s nothing simple about that.”

  Devlin sat down on the side of the bed and took a relaxing breath. She didn’t want to say something that would hurt Jaime. Despite their circumstances, she still greatly cared for this woman. “Jaime, when was the last time you and I had a meaningful conversation?”

  Jaime approached the bed and sat on the opposite side. “I mean, I know I’ve been distracted with my art, but it hasn’t really been that long, has it?” Jaime said.

  “We’re not those two people who met and fell in love five years ago. We haven’t been those people in a long time,” Devlin said.

  “I agree, we’ve grown, and growth comes with change. You’re practically running your family business, people actually know who I am in the art world. Maybe it’s time we focus on us now.”

  Devlin scratched the back of her head, unsure of what to say. “The outside world has been so important to you over the years I came in second, and now, at this moment, you think it’s time we focus on us?”

  “Dev, if I’ve hurt you I’m truly sorry. I only wanted to make you proud. To show you that all the effort you invested in me wasn’t wasted.”

  Devlin stayed quiet, absorbing Jaime’s words.

  “I feel like I’ve lost you,” Jaime said sadly, but Devlin still failed to respond. “Have I?”

  She could see the emotions going through Jaime, a part of her felt them too. But it was too late now. It had been for a long time. Maybe if both of them had made some real effort to stay in love, things would’ve been different. Now, there was no way Jaime could ever make her feel anything close to what Jesse had.

  “I’m sorry, Jaime.”

  The tremor of shock on Jaime’s face made Devlin wish things could be different.

  “You don’t want to be with me any
more?” Her voice shook as she asked.

  Devlin shook her head. “No, I don’t.”

  She got to her feet, realizing she was feeling a little lighter and said, “I’ll move to the guest bedroom.”

  She was almost at the door when Jaime stopped her, “Wait, stay here. I’ll take the guest bedroom.” She got to her feet too and approached the door where Devlin was standing. “I’ll make you fall in love with me again, Dev. You wait and see, this is not over. I love you.” She leaned in and pecked Devlin on the cheek, then walked out.

  Devlin stood there in surprise, then shook it out of her head and crawled into bed, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  “Okay, I’ve been thinking about it and there’s no reason why we can’t be friends,” Jesse said as she strode into Devlin’s office.

  “Ms. Matthews I didn’t have you scheduled for eleven o’clock,” Devlin’s assistant followed her in.

  Devlin’s surprise slightly wore off as she turned to her assistant and said, “It’s okay.”

  When he left, she turned her attention back to Jesse, who was looking stunning in a short official white dress and six inch stilettos. Her windblown hair was cascading down her shoulders, making her look like a runway model.

  “Jesse,” she said, a wave of warmth washing up inside her.

  “We can go out for coffee sometimes and just talk, right?” Jesse said, pacing back and forth.

  Devlin observed her, hiding a smile. She got to her feet, went around her desk and leaned on it, somehow glad and sad at the same time, because her office was big and there was too much space between them.

  “Are you going to say something, is it a bad idea?” Jesse asked, stopping to look at Devlin.

  “Uh, sure, yeah,” she mumbled, not sure she’d answered the question properly.

  Jesse smiled at her, loosening her tense shoulders. “I’m sorry for showing up unannounced.”

  “It’s fine, Jesse.”

  “So can we go grab a cup of coffee?”

  “Right now?” Devlin asked.

  “You can’t spare a few minutes for one of your biggest clients?”