Finding You Read online

  Their friendship had been a ruse to see her, to spend time with her, and it had been so wonderful. Talking to her, laughing, looking into her beautiful grey eyes, her soft full lips, she groaned at the thought, trying hard to ignore the stirrings of arousal she’d awakened.

  She’d wanted to kiss her so many times. A simple touch had not been enough. It was possible she had destroyed it, but she had to fight for Devlin. This woman was magnificent. She was everything Jesse had ever desired in a person.

  She was smart, strong, sexy as hell, charming, elegant, funny, intelligent and sophisticated among a lot of other things. She was perfect. The thought of Devlin made Jesse hate herself for screwing up such a good thing.

  When she drove the car into parking, she got out more determined than ever. She had to see Devlin, even if Devlin didn’t want to see her.

  She walked up to the door, took a breath and pressed the door bell. After waiting a few minutes, Devlin swung it open, dressed comfortably in a pair of denim shorts and a loose fitting white shirt. The look made Jesse’s legs tremble. This woman could look sexy in anything.

  “Hi Devlin,” Jesse said.

  Devlin looked surprised to see her, which was expected.

  “I need to talk to you, please don’t shut the door on my face.”

  Devlin’s hair was carelessly held up in a ponytail, making her look so youthful and graceful. She opened the door wider and let Jesse in.

  “I know you hate me, but please let me explain,” she started when Devlin joined her in the well furnished living room.

  “I don’t hate you. I had a different idea of who you were, I was wrong,” Devlin said.

  “Who did you think I was?” Jesse asked, glad Devlin was making an attempt to talk to her.

  “I don’t know. I just pictured you and Michael and your businesses, just not…” she swung her hand in the air and said in dismay, “not the rest.”

  “The rest being what I told you,” she said.

  Devlin nodded.

  “Devlin, I’m not perfect. No one is, we all have our secrets and we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. You have to understand, that before you, I didn’t even know who I was.”

  “And, you do now?”

  “Yes,” Jesse said. “At least I think I do.”

  Devlin loudly exhaled. “I just, I don’t know who you are anymore.”

  Jesse stepped closer to Devlin and took her hands in hers. “Let me show you,” she implored.

  Devlin gently pulled away. “I don’t know if I want that,” she said.

  The words broke Jesse’s heart. “Devlin, please. I know you feel something for me and you know I did nothing wrong by telling you the truth. It all happened before we met, but I know it hurt to hear it. We shouldn’t let it get in the way of us.”

  “And what is that, Jesse? What is ‘us’?” she asked, almost angrily.

  Her heart was tearing itself apart. She couldn’t lose Devlin. “I want you in my life, I can’t lose you. You mean so much to me, so much than you can possibly imagine,” she said desperately.

  “I’ve been going crazy out of my head thinking about you, wondering how you are, if you’ll ever let me see you or touch you again. I know it’s inappropriate to say that, but Devlin…” she knew she was breaking the rules, but she couldn’t help herself. “I’m in love with you.”

  Devlin looked up at her. “What did you say?” she asked.

  Jesse took a step closer, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks because she was risking everything. “I love you, Devlin.”

  Devlin watched her for a moment and Jesse wished she’d say something; instead, tears started falling down Devlin’s cheeks as well. “Oh, Jesse, you’re with Michael.”

  She nodded, “I know.”

  “So why say that to me?”

  “Because it’s the truth and I can’t pretend not to feel it anymore.”

  Devlin took a step closer to her and wiped away her tears. “I think it was easier for me to convince myself that I didn’t know you the way I thought I did because I was falling in love with you and I needed a reason to stop myself. I needed an excuse to stay away from you. My life was changing and all I wanted was you, but I couldn’t have you because of Michael and our work together.”

  Jesse was so overwhelmed, tears fell freely from her eyes now.

  “I was in a loveless relationship which came to an end a long time ago but I could never see it or accept it, until I met you and realized how empty I was,” Devlin said softly.

  “You said you were falling in love with me,” she heard everything Devlin said, but selfishly, this part stood out.

  Devlin laughed softly through the tears and nodded as Jesse reached for her and wiped them away just as Devlin had done.

  “I was, I am,” Devlin said.

  Jesse closed the distance between them and pulled Devlin into her arms. The feel of her warm soft skin against her own body filled her heart with love and warmth. It also awakened the rife sexual hunger she’d silenced for Devlin.

  When they pulled apart, Devlin’s eyes were filled with the same turmoil she was fighting within and their lips came together like a wildfire upon a dry forest. Jesse thrust her tongue in Devlin’s mouth, stroking her gently as their desires fused, creating scorching heat within each other.

  “I need you, now!” Devlin said, taking Jesse’s hand and leading her to the bedroom. Soon as they got there, their clothes quickly came off and shortly after, Jesse was lost in Devlin once more.

  She explored her as though it was their first time together, but this time, Jesse did it with love and tenderness. She was filled with so much love she thought her heart would burst.

  “Jesse,” Devlin panted.

  “Yes, Devlin.”

  “I want to feel your mouth loving me everywhere. Make me feel everything once again.”

  Jesse was too happy to oblige. She kissed, licked, sucked and teased every inch of Devlin’s body and Devlin’s response to everything she did combined with the soft moaning sounds she made in compliance destroyed Jesse. In the end, their orgasms were so powerful, they left them both weak but extremely satisfied.

  Chapter 6

  When Peter, Devlin’s father, called later on in the evening inviting her for dinner, Devlin had a mind to cancel, but he insisted and as usual, she had to stop what she was doing and go. When she parted ways with Jesse, she was so happy, she was grinning from ear to ear.

  She got there around half past six, knowing dinner would be served at seven, the same time as it had over the years. It was hard leaving Jesse behind, but she insisted upon it.

  When she walked into the house, there was no one there to welcome her. She went to the family room and found everyone present, including Jaime. There was an uncomfortable ambiance in the atmosphere, which made her wonder what was going on.

  “Is it true? You cheated on Jaime then broke up with her?” Josh asked, catching Devlin completely off guard.

  Every eye in the room was watching her, waiting for an answer, an explanation, something, but Devlin was too stunned to speak. Her gaze circled the room and settled on Jaime.

  “You told them?” she asked, trying not to sound accusatory. She hadn’t even known Jaime would be attending.

  “I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, I should leave,” Jaime said, storming out of the room.

  “Jaime, honey, you don’t have to go,” Lily, Devlin’s mother, said.

  “Yeah, Jaime, come on, stay,” Caitlin followed up but Jaime didn’t stop.

  Devlin followed after her and caught up with her at the door. “You couldn’t wait for me to get here so we could tell them together?” she asked.

  “Your father insisted I come and I didn’t know how to turn him down. I thought it wouldn’t be awkward but they noticed something was wrong when we didn’t show up together. I’m sorry, I thought you’d already told them and I couldn’t lie to them when they asked.”

  “You ambushed me, Jaime.”
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br />   “I’m sorry,” she said and ran out.

  Devlin took a deep breath, knowing there was a lot of explanation she needed to make and slowly went back to the room. Everyone stared back at her when she reentered the room and she prepared herself for what was to follow.

  “So what happened?” Peter asked.

  She walked over to Josh and took his glass of wine. After a couple of large sips, she started. “I’m sorry it came from Jaime the way it did. We were supposed to tell you all together.”

  “Dev,” Caitlin said impatiently.

  “I wasn’t happy with Jaime. She’s a wonderful person and I care deeply for her, but for years I’ve been very unhappy. Both our jobs kept us apart and after we created that gap between us, it was hard to get it all back. Her art has always come first to her and in the beginning I understood and supported her, but over time, I came to feel neglected and alone.”

  “Oh, honey,” Lily said sympathetically.

  “I stayed with her hoping someday it would change, but at some point, I stopped caring altogether. We were living together like roommates, we barely shared the same bed. She spent all her time in the art studio. I got bored and then one day, I met someone who made me feel wanted, desired, special and I hated myself for being weak, but I needed to feel alive again.”

  “So you cheated with this person,” Josh said in a soft voice.

  “Yes. I felt horrible and I hated myself, but it was better than what I felt at home with Jaime. I was miserable. Anyway, I realized it was never going to go back to what it used to be with Jaime and I ended things between us and moved out.”

  “Wow, that’s intense, Sis,” Caitlin said.

  “Look, I’m sorry I never said anything to you, but this was between me and Jaime.”

  “We understand, honey,” Peter said.

  Devlin looked at all of them, getting the same sympathetic and understanding look. “I still care for Jaime and we’re going to work on being friends, so I don’t want your feelings for her to change. She loves you all very much.”

  “We love her too,” Lily said.

  Lily wrapped her arms around Devlin, and she felt herself starting to relax. Perhaps she deserved the ambush, she knew it was hard for Jaime and would be for a while but if there was any way she could help ease the transition, she was going to be there for her.

  Everyone sat down for dinner after that. There was still a bit of tension but the meal was delicious and as usual, the company was engaging. Later on, Peter called Devlin to his study to congratulate her on the success of the project, which was still ongoing.

  “I’d like you to take over the company full time, Devlin,” he said.

  “What?” The news caught her by surprise.

  “I want you to take over as chairman. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I think you’re ready. Your devotion and attention to the clients has really impressed me.”

  She was still trying to absorb the information. “What?”

  “Congratulations, honey.” He wrapped his arms around her as she processed everything he’d just said.

  “Wow, are you sure?” she asked when he let go.

  “Of course I am. I want you to know that I’m very proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” she said, trying to conceal her emotions.

  “Well, let’s go and share the good news with everyone.”

  She followed after her father and when he announced the news to the family, everyone was extremely delighted for her.

  When Devlin got home after dinner with her family, she was so tired she planned to go straight to bed. The day had ended up being more eventful than she’d imagined.

  “Hey there,” Jesse said from the threshold of the hallway to the bedrooms.

  When she’d left, she’d assumed Jesse would leave too. “Hey,” Devlin was glad she hadn’t.

  Jesse was in one of her robes, and she looked like she’d just gotten out of bed. “I was too lazy to leave and couldn’t wait to see you again.”

  Devlin walked over to her and kissed her. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

  “How did it go?” Jesse asked, affectionately wrapping her arms around Devlin’s waist.

  Devlin exhaled and shook her head, “Can I tell you about it in bed? After everything you did to me today, I don’t have much energy left.”

  Jesse giggled, wrapped her arm around Devlin’s shoulders, and they headed back to the bedroom. Once they were under the warm comfortable covers, Devlin filled Jesse in on everything that’d happened since she’d left.

  The following week, Devlin and Jesse spent almost every night together and each one was better than the last. Devlin’s feelings for Jesse continued to grow stronger, as did her fear. Not a day went by when she didn’t remember Jesse still had Michael and at any moment, Jesse could decide it was over between them.

  The thought terrified her and sometimes she found herself going back to her shell. She knew Jesse could sense it even though they never talked about it, but Devlin couldn’t help wondering what the future held for both of them.

  At whatever point Michael decided to demand something more from Jesse, something like sex, was Jesse going to offer it? Who was to say she hadn’t already? If he discovered their relationship, would he terminate their business partnership?

  She’d just become president of the company and her biggest client was Jesse and Michael. Their businesses were tied together. She didn’t know anything about their arrangement, but she knew it’d hurt Jesse too. If Michael decided to take away his business, her company would suffer a great loss.

  The situation was far too complicated and it hurt her head to think about it sometimes. She decided to talk to Jesse about it before it internally drove her crazy.

  That night when they were in bed together in her apartment, after a long session of love-making, Devlin decided to bring it up.

  “I know you know I’m not comfortable with the Michael-You-Me situation,” she started, unsure of how to go on.

  “There’s nothing between us, nothing has happened since you,” Jesse said.

  “Does he know that?” she asked, already uncomfortable for bringing it up in the first place. She felt like a nagging wife. “What plans do you have for us, you and me? For our future?”

  She could sense the anxiety in Jesse. “I want to be with you. You make me happy. I just need time to figure out how I’m going to deal with Michael.”

  Time, she could give Jesse time, but how much of it would she require? Devlin wasn’t a mistress type and she hated knowing there was someone else out there they were hurting with their infidelity.

  “I like this,” she motioned to their intertwined bodies, “us. But I think you should take care of your situation with Michael before we proceed. I can’t stand thinking we’re here being happy while hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it.”

  “Devlin, what are you saying?” Jesse asked.

  “I think we should take a break.” When she’d gone into the conversation, she hadn’t fully thought it through, and saying they should take a break was the last thing that had been on her mind. She didn’t know where it came from.

  “I don’t want to take a break. I just got you back.”

  “I don’t want to either, but you need time to figure things out and decide what it is that you truly want.”

  “Devlin, please, you know all I want is you.”

  “Then make the effort to let us live an honest life together,” she said, turning her back to Jesse as she tried to live with the choice she’d just made for them both.

  She didn’t want to lose Jesse. She loved her. They were happy together. She could easily make a choice to stay with her and just be happy, ignoring the rest of the world. Why did her moral compass have to have a say?

  Chapter 7

  The following few days were extremely hard for Jesse. She didn’t know how to tell Michael about Devlin. She didn’t want to hurt him. He’d always been so good to her. But if
she wanted to be with Devlin, there was no other choice.

  Michael was traveling, which was good because it gave Jesse time to think about how she was going to break the news to him. She went through her businesses with him, trying to find out how it would affect her if Michael decided to end their partnership.

  It was going to hurt everyone, Devlin included, but she hoped she could find a way to talk sense into him. He wasn’t an impulsive man. He thought out everything to the last detail before he made any decisions, and was smart enough not to act on hurt feelings.

  She just needed to figure out how to approach the situation. She loved Devlin and she missed her terribly. She wanted to spend her life with her. She hoped Michael could see the sincerity in her and let her go.

  Michael didn’t come back until a week later. It gave Jesse time, but also made her impatient because she wanted to see Devlin. Their calls were warm and they missed each other, but being apart was tearing them to pieces.

  Jesse almost took a flight to Las Vegas to talk to Michael, but luckily, he managed to make it back before her hope waned.

  She thought about taking him out to dinner, and having the conversation at a restaurant, but decided it was too private to carry out in a public place.

  She thought about what she truly wanted and why she was doing this, and proceeded. “Michael, can we talk?” Even when he was home he was still working, but Jesse still didn’t mind it.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” he asked.

  He looked a little tired and Jesse wondered if she should let him rest, but decided she’d waited too long and the moment of truth had come.

  “What I’m about to tell you may upset you, but I really don’t want it to. I need you to know that I love you and care deeply for you and I don’t want this to change anything.” Well, it was going to change their relationship status, but she’d get to that.

  “Sounds serious, Jess. Is everything okay?”

  She went and sat beside him on the couch. “Yes, everything is fine. It’s just that… just that.”